Thought Process
by bjaarcy
Summary: Aftermath of the bomb explosion in Cops and Robbers, told in Kate's POV. Obviously, spoilers for s4x07. Labelled Caskett, but mostly Kate and her thoughts. WARNING FOR SWEARING IN A/N. ONESHOT


_BOOM!_

Screaming, rumbling, ringing, orders being thrown around.

This is not what processes through Kate's mind when she hears the bomb go off.

No, what is going through her thought process is this:

_Castle._

_Martha._

_Alexis._

_The rest of the hostages._

_Me._

She moves fast, her vision blurry as she acts quickly to lead the rest of the team into the building. Nothing she does is processed through her mind though, because the only thing going through it is _Castle, __I __need __to __find __Castle._

She's screaming his name, calling for him before she even realizes it when she enters the destroyed bank. And then the impossible happens.

"We're over here!"

She rushes towards the voice – the voice she knows belongs to _him_ – not even batting an eyelash at the fact that so many things could be wrong about the situation. What if the robbers are still here? What if it's a ruse? Could Castle be at his deathbed regardless? Is he even okay?

Instead she runs over to the source of the voice, and her heart is a thousand weights lighter at the sight she takes in.

Castle's there. He's bound at the wrists next to his mother as the rest of the hostages fill the tiny vault in the same fashion.

But he's alive.

She smiles despite herself.

_He's alive. He's safe. Everything will be okay._

Before she knows it, she's kneeling in front of Castle and cutting the ropes that are binding his wrists off. And then, she asks if he's okay.

Kate didn't think that her heart could feel lighter than it already is, but she _always_ makes an exception for Castle. And when he says that, _yes, __I__'__m __fine,_ she can feel herself smiling as her breath is taken away and her heart is left soaring. Without thinking about it, she lets a hand reach out to touch his face, and it's that moment that she feels an undeniable swell of emotion. They stare into each other's eyes with the slightest smile on their faces, and Kate is just so _happy._

But she knows it's much more than that. It always has been.

So she stares into his eyes with all the bottled emotion she's felt for years. She stares back with the passion that was ignited by an unmistakable spark, and fueled with fierce chemistry. She stares back with adoration and raw love, dripping with care that she's felt for him for so long.

She also stares back with overwhelming relief, because she knows – somewhere, in the part of her brain that retains the remaining satiny she has left – that this is not the time or place to admit this out loud. But Castle's okay – _he__'__s __alive_ – so maybe she still has a fighting chance to say it one day.

And as she gets lost in this moment with him, she continues to smile, feeling more than exceptionally lucky to even have that chance at all.

"He's not the only one in here you know," Martha says, smiling teasingly and lifting her bound wrists up. Kate apologizes, but smiles anyway because she loves Martha and Kate's glad that she's safe too.

She doesn't really know what happens after that. She does manage to mechanically assist in any way possible, following orders and helping the rest of the hostages to safety. Still, none of this actually goes through her mind. She moves robotically, letting routine take over her body as her mind drifts again. It immediately settles on Castle's safety, and it's punctuated by the sight of Alexis being reunited with her father and grandmother.

Kate smiles, and wonders for a fleeting moment if she could ever be part of that one day.

Before she can dwell on it further, or begin berating herself for even thinking such a thing, the thought is interrupted by an order. It's not even directed to her, but it's enough to bring her back into reality and take in her surroundings.

She leaves the family in their moment, keeping her head held high as she walks away.

* * *

><p>I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS FOR THIS EPISODE. I STARTED CRYING AND, AND –<p>

IT DOES NOT HELP THAT I AM PMS-ing LIKE FUCK RIGHT NOW. *LE KEYBOARD SMASH*

OKAY, MY EMOTIONS ARE STATED. HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE FIC AND THE CAPS LOCK!

x o x o bjaarcy

PS This is the first Castle fic I've ever written. Don't hurt me if I sucked. Also, I know that my ending's messy; I'm sorry! D:

PPS This was written during the episode/immediately after it was aired. If there are mistakes – and there will be considering how emotional I was – don't hesitate to pick on me for them. I'll get em corrected as soon as possible! :D


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